Don’t say something you regret out of anger

Don’t say something you regret out of anger

There once was a little boy who had a very bad temper. His father decided to hand him a bag of nails and said that every time the boy lost his temper, he had to hammer a nail into the fence.

On the first day, the boy hammered 37 nails into that fence.

And then……..

The boy gradually began to control his temper over the next few weeks, and the number of nails he was hammering into the fence slowly decreased. He discovered it was easier to control his temper than to hammer those nails into the fence.

Finally, the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father the news and the father suggested that the boy should now pull out a nail every day he kept his temper under control.

Finally……..

The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.

‘You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won’t matter how many times you say I’m sorry, the wound is still there.’”

After that……

I would love to say I have left no damage in my wake as I have pounded nails into to fences over the years. Sadly I can’t make this claim. I am sure I have left damage that can never be repaired. Hopefully I can keep from causing anymore damage as I make my way through life.

So what is anger?

noun; a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure, or hostility.

verb; fill (someone) with anger; provoke anger in.

Everyone has been angry at one point or another. It is a normal human emotion and is typically healthy. Anger can even help us sometimes. However, as I have learned the hard way, if our anger gets out of control it can be destructive and lead to issues not only personal relationships, but at work as well. For some people it can seem to take over and even affect our overall quality of life.

some different things

it can be angered by different things. It can be caused by a person or an event. Sometimes we can even cause our own anger by dwelling on our personal problems or thinking about negative past events. I have admittedly been guilty of the latter for sure.

it is believed that expressing your anger in an assertive, yet respectful way is the most healthy way to deal with your emotions. Being assertive is not the same as being aggressive.

It does not mean you should be demanding or pushy. When you express yourself in an assertive manner, you make clear what your needs are, and how these needs can be met without being hurtful to others.

Manage the things

This is something I have personally struggled with managing. Another way some people deal with anger is my self calming. People who react in this manner have learned to not only control their outward behavior, but their internal responses as well.

People who have learned to self calm can lower their heart rate and allow their angry feelings to subside. I would personally like to work on my self calming techniques as this seems like a good way to deal with anger at times when being assertive may not work.

hose of us who use this method have not learned how to express our feelings of anger in a constructive manner and we are unlikely to have successful relationships.

e ways in which we express our anger and the reasons some of us become more angry than others varies. For some of us it is genetic or physiological, while for others it is socio-cultural, and for many of us family background can play a role.

Some people falsely believe they should just let their anger out. This is a dangerous thought process as people who do this typically become angrier and more aggressive as time goes on. This can cause one to hurt themselves or others and doesn’t help to resolve the situation.

It is said the best way to handle our anger is to figure out what triggers it and then find ways to keep these triggers from igniting you into a full on rage.

How should we deal with our anger? Let’s discuss some helpful ways to get through these moments when we feel our blood starting to boil.

1. Think before you speak
2. Once you’re calm, express your anger
3. Get some exercise
4. Take a timeout
5. Identify possible solutions
6. Stick with ‘I’ statements
7. Don’t hold a grudge
8. Use humor to release tension
9. Practice relaxation skills
10. Know when to seek help

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